The biopsies were benign and I was finally able to get some sleep. I had so much tension in my head and neck that the pain was just horrible. After the good news, I imagined that my head was a bouncy-house and I pulled the plug. The tension collapsed like the big blow-up thing would in real life. Sweet relief.
It's interesting to imagine the worst and not have to live with it. I was ready to give up sugar (bad for cancer) and completely change my eating habits and entire life if that meant surviving a horrible prognosis. One day later I ate two cupcakes and yesterday I ate a doughnut and a little bag of cookies. What's wrong with me?
In my defense, I doubt that I would have been able to give up sugar even if my life depended on it. I like to think that I would, but I have the self control of a lion with a little yapping dog thrown into the cage. Though, I think that I'm going to give it a strong effort to make some good changes and move in the right direction. Maybe I'll cut down a lot of the sugar I eat rather than trying to eliminate it completely. And I like the idea of detoxing my body of all the gunk that accumulates and poisons me. Baby steps.
But the other revelation is in that ever-present question of "Are you living the life you should be living?" When looking at the potential legacy you're going to leave behind and how you want people to remember you and will you pass away with regrets or not, I liked the self-examination for the most part. Other than believing I could live healthier and exercise more (who of us can't do a better job?) I think the only thing I don't do that I want to do is write. Write more. Write what I have in me rather than what just comes out. I want to write what I have the potential to write and not just what is easy for me to write.
I've been contemplating doing the NaNoWriMo again. I won a few years ago and I LOVED the sense of accomplishment. In case you don't know what it is, it's National Novel Writing Month in November. To win, you must write a novel in the month of November (and only in the month of November). And because of the first one I did, I can say that I wrote a novel. I haven't ever re-read the thing, and couldn't tell you if it was any good, but for me the accomplishment is huge. Huge.
So along with my violin lessons and sewing hobby, I'm going to continue on my path of personal pursuits and live more fully with conscious choices for self-fulfillment. Care to join me?