I was on my way to yoga when I saw this. Thinking that a good session would relax me and bring me back to my center, I woke up early to go - even after not sleeping enough and getting woken up by a loud rumbling. I thought there was an earthquake by the sound, but we weren't moving. In my sleeping stupor I heard the squeal/cry and knew that there was another critter being stalked in the shoe-end of my closet. When I finally got the light on, my cat,
Pearl Killer, was lounging on the dog bed with a very self-satisfied air about her. The critter was hiding in a toe.
After picking up a shoes one-by-one and throwing them out on the deck, I stumbled across the one with eyes in it. They were those same big cute/droopy eyes from that rat mentioned here. Whatever it was, it filled the toe of one of my husbands bigger shoes. I don't think I really want to know. (Note to self: organize the shoes so critters can't crawl into them.) And I really wish I knew if the critters were already in the house or if Pearl was bringing them in to play with and kill.
Somehow, I slept funny after that, waking up with a giant pain in my neck. Advil has been forbidden before I have my arm sliced open, so I'm just going to have to deal with it. I thought yoga would help, but it didn't help as much as I needed it to.
So...I wake up with a stiff neck, see Jesus, park my car and find the yoga studio is packed like a can of sardines. I managed to squeeze myself in near the front - because no one wants to be in front - ever - right? - and then I realize that the instructor is playing a harp. I wanted to just crack up. It sounded pretty and all, but how in the world does that come about? Where does the I Play Harp and the I Teach Yoga join together to become I Play Harp to My Yoga Students While They Meditate. My neck hurt the whole time and I felt like I was spending the entire class trying to calm a muscle that wanted to buck like a bronco.
We closed the session with more harp playing and I realized that when I "ohm" my vibrations are entirely in the left side of my head because of my hearing loss on the right side. Weird. When I went to pay, which I didn't do ahead of time because I was late, as is my MO, I waited patiently at the front desk. When the instructor walked in, she conversed a bit with the next class's instructor and then, instead of helping me, some other woman just jumped right in to talk to her. Ignoring me, they acknowledged that they knew I was waiting but didn't care. I wrote that I paid cash in the sign-in book and plopped my money down on the table. I was SO annoyed.
Then it occurred to me. I've been getting really annoyed lately! My patience and tolerance for rudeness is at an all-time low. I've been so uptight and it's really showing!
It's a sign. You see, the size of my melanoma is borderline where the action is to just remove it and watch and see, or do what is called a sentinel lymph node test to see if it has started to spread into my lymph nodes. They inject me with some sort of dye and see which lymph node it goes to and remove and biopsy that one. If melanoma is present, they remove all the lymph nodes but if it is not, the melanoma has most likely been strictly local. Now, the thought of them making a giant incision into my armpit and removing a big chunk of me really gives me the creeps. Not anymore so than the thought of them taking a chunk of my arm, but about the same. I don't like having to fight for everything - it comes back to feeling dumb for being over-cautious, but I'm much better off being active than waiting and seeing. Perhaps all my active responses to being annoyed are telling me to actively respond to my situation.