Monday, September 06, 2010

Covered in Spiders

My usually white car has been yellow. As in, yellow from the tree sap that drops on my car and makes it not white anymore. I have been waiting for it to wash itself, but I've been waiting in vain. Clearly, I had to pay someone. Somewhere.

Being a cheapskate, I decided to wash it myself. It's something I've been avoiding for a while because I've got that Marin County Guilt that rears its ugly head whenever I do something environmentally inappropriate. Washing it myself is a no-no because I don't have waste-water collection capabilities here. But screw it. I also don't water my plants and sometimes (shhh! It's a secret...I don't shower every day.) I figure I've got some water use available to me and I'm still ahead of the game. I'll also have you know that I have only washed my car about 4 or 5 times since I've owned it (6-years) so I think I'm good.

I got out the front hose and it sprayed me something fierce from the nozzle malfunction. Then I dragged the newer-nicer back hose to the front and turned it on. I sprayed my car really well and sort of had a moment of craziness where I started spraying everything in the front! I sprayed all the spider webs that polka-dotted our ivy. I sprayed all the webs off the shrubs and the tree in the front and even the trampoline. Somewhere in the middle of this, I realized that I had a (pretty big) orb spider dangling off my arm. I could feel the weigh of the web, which felt strange. I, of course, started my scared screaming that is sort of a ooohhhhaah! sound. I thought I got it off but saw it again. More screaming and shaking and panicking. And then it was off.

I proceeded to soap up my car and scrub and rinse. Then I looked down and saw a giant black spider right on my arm! Another panicked scream and I hit the damn thing off me. Only to discover, as you may already realize, that it was my stitches. That hurt. What an idiot.

The remainder of the car came clean without incident and it now it sparkles in the sun.


Anonymous said...

Saw this Fact From the 1500s and I thought of you after reading your above entry:

"Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, if they were starting to smell, the brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. The bouquet was called a "nose gay".

This is kind of related and another 1500s fact: Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the sons and other men, then the women and finally the children, last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it - hence the saying "Don't throw out the baby with the bath water."

If you ever want to know how the saying "it's raining cats and dogs"; "dirt poor"; or the word "threshold" came about Mr. Anonymous will deliver.

Anonymous said...

Since Mr. Anonymous has not been called upon to educate the masses about cats and dogs raining down Mr. Anonymous (isn't referring to oneself in the 3rd person fun) will "Mind his own Beeswax." Speaking of beeswax, here is the genesis of that saying: Back in the day, European Women Royalty, used to use beeswax to hide their acne scars, crows feet, and wrinkles on their face. When these women got together at gatherings, if one of them stared too intently (like you owed them money) at another woman's face the staree would retort, "Mind your OWN beeswax."

ckh said...

Mr Anonymous has some very interesting facts at his disposal! I love that kind of information. I don't want to ask what "raining cats and dogs" means because I'm afraid of what you'll tell me. Though, if no cats or dogs are hurt in the telling of the story, rain away.

Anonymous said...

Like feeding your dog at the dinner table, you shouldn't encourage Mr. Anonymous. Here goes: Houses used to have thatched roofs; thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was also a place for animals to get warm or to hunt for food, so all the dogs, cats, and other small critters (mice, bugs, etc.) lived in the roof. When it rained the roof became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off. Therefore it was said to be "raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could easily mess up your nice clean bed, but a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how a canopy bed came into existence.

Poor people's floors were dirt. That's how we got the saying "dirt poor." Only the wealthy had something other than dirt floors, but when they got damp or wet they became very slippery. To prevent slipping and sliding, the floors were covered with thresh. The thresh would eventually begin to break down and when the door would open, some of it would migrate outside. To hold it in, a board would be laid under the door. This was called the threshold. If not for carrying a bride over the threshold, that word would probably not even be used today.

ckh said...

I know I haven't reached my threshold for interesting tidbits. Have you got any more? Are you reading a book or are you just really old that you remember that far back?

Anonymous said...

No, Mr. Anonymous is not as old as dirt nor was he "dirt poor". However, Mr. Anonymous is fresh out of interesting tidbits. Mr. Anonymous will have to brush up on Nick at Nite for some inspiration.